Allow me to share with you the period I battled the concepts of love and austerity. However, it wasn’t some great epiphany that would change my life. Still, it persisted.
Imagine me seated on a park seat, browsing Marcus Aurelius’s quotes, wondering if my stoic approach could manage the messiness of love.
The truth is that at the time I was seeing someone, Emma. She was nice, humorous, and had this ability to help me forget about the rest of the world. Deep down, though, I kept wondering, Am I overly attached? Is this love, or am I merely losing control?
The Stoic Conundrum
If you have even a small stoicism, you will be aware that control—that is, control of your emotions, your wants, and your responses—is highly valued. But love, too? It is disorganizing. It’s untidy. That is the reverse of control.
I thus overanalyzed everything as any modern Stoic would have done. Emma would call off last-minute plans, and I would tell myself, “This is outside of my control.” I would remind myself, “Don’t get too attached,” when she unexpectedly gave me something thoughtful. This is only transient as well.
You know, though, what That kind of thinking gave me robotic feelings. I was trying to control love like it was merely another chore on a to-do list, not experiencing it.
Lessons in Stoic Love
One evening, Emma and I sat on the couch, enjoying ice cream straight from the tub. She was sharing her daily events with me, giggling over a ridiculous incident at work. Not even really listening to the story, I was simply observing her. And it dawned on me—I was not either clinging to her or separating from her. I was simply savoring the instant.
It dawned on me then: stoic people approach love differently; they do not avoid it. They love with thanks, not out of obsession. One does not own the person. You do not ask them to bring you happiness. You just value the link for what it is, at that very moment.
Stoic Love Against Romanticism with Hopeless Ambiance
The thing is that hopeless romantics jump right into love, as though it were the only thing keeping them afloat. Stoics, though? They are aware that the big picture of life consists of many facets besides love. Though they also don’t let it consume them, they are not shy about it.
Emma and I split up at last. There were no dramatic confrontations or residual resentment; simply a mutual awareness that we were traveling in different directions. And indeed, it hurt. I knew I had fully valued our time together, thus I did not wallow in it. That seems to be the stoic approach.
Takeaways: What lessons did I pick up?
Though they never lose themselves in it, stoic people do fall in love. Love, they realize, is about appreciating the beauty of the moment and letting it go when the time calls for it, not about possession or control.
You can thus love and yet be stoic if you are wondering whether this is possible. Simply said: love is not something to hang onto or worry about losing. While it lasts, it’s something to savor, learn from, and thank you for.
That is how I see it. In terms of you? Do you suppose stoicism and love could coexist? I would be quite interested in your opinions. ✤️
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